By Gel Santos Relos
They were born in America or were still babes then their families relocated to the US. They may look different, sound different, pero PINOY pa rin daw sila!
I received an email from one of our readers of “The Fil-AmPerspective”, and I must say I was deeply moved by the very honest way this young man shared his thoughts and feelings about being Filipino. I have always been writing articles about the first generation Americans, as I am part of that, but I have never really looked into the perspective and situation of other Filipinos who may be out there, looking in. Let me share that letter with you.
Dear Gel,
Your Filipino Perspective. Does not really include those
Filipinos, second generation mestiso Fil-Ams born in the USA. We are outsiders
looking in, wanting to be part of something that we can never be part of.
Our parents moved
to the USA to seek greener pastures, a better life in the USA. And, when we get
older, they get mad at us for not knowing how to speak Tagalog, but then they
didn't want to teach us in the first place. When we ask them, well, why didnt
you teach us? They say, oh, well, you never asked us to.
I went to a
Wowowee show in Reno. I actually met that famous lawyer, I might have seen you
there. When I thanked him for what he had done, he looked at me like I was
crazy. Why? Because I did not look Filipino.
I go to the
Philippines and everyone looks at me differently. Tricycle drivers inflate
their prices and try to rip me off. At the Lawler events center in Reno, I get
disciplined by my supervisor because I defy his admonition not to bother the
Wowowee representatives.
My two sisters who are mestiso fil-ams do not want to
hear me talk about the Philippines because it is all I talk about. They have no
interest in going to the Philippines or learning the language.
Chris’ message resonates so much with me as I am a parent with children myself whom I brought with me to America. I feel regret, shame, and disappointment for not having pushed my younger children to learn to speak in Filipino as much as they should. It is not because I did not want to---just like many parents, we were just so overwhelmed by the adjustment and the immediate day by day grind we have to attend to. Consciously and unconsciously, it may have something to do with the need and desire to ‘fit in”---and learning to master the conversational English language mattered more at that time, making us push the desire to teach our kids to speak in Filipino in the back burner, until years have passed us by.
In hindsight, I would have done differently. I would have made a rule to speak only in Filipino in the house, even if it would be more time consuming translating things to the kids before things get done. I would have subscribed to “The Filipino Channel” much earlier even if I had to squeeze it in our tight budget. In hindsight, I would have worked harder to give my children the gift of the “Filipino language”.
Language is not just a technical tool to communicate with each other everyday. Language brings along with it the whole gamut of history, culture, character and attitude of a group of people.
Take for example, the English word “rice”. “Rice” is rice no matter how it is used and whatever state it is in because it is not very much part of their culture. In the Filipino language, we have bigas (uncooked rice), kanin (steamed rice), sinangag (fried rice), lugao (rice porridge), tutong (burned crusty rice at the bottom of the pot), puto (teamed rice cake), bico ( sweet sticky rice), bahaw (cold old rice), am (the excess liquid of steam rice used to feed babies)etc etc…and every Filipino term tells a story about when it is eaten, how it is eaten, family stories as they are planted, harvested, prepared, and served. All because ‘rice” is our staple food and that important in our culture, and therefore, our language!
My two older kids were in their teens when we relocated to
the US, and they learned to speak English the American way, and I notice a
difference in tone when they speak to us, their parents when they speak in
Filipino or English. In Filipino, they use “po”,
“opo”, we can feel their respect, their deference to us as authority figures in
the house…something that isn’t quite well captured when they speak to us in
English. Pag Ingles ang gamit, parang may “attitude” ang dating ng
pananalita! Hahahaha! Siyempre, sa perspective ko lang iyon:-)
During family dinners, my husband and I enjoy talking about the past—our life in the Philippines, the TV shows we used to enjoy, the Filipino jokes, Filipino costumbre, etc..and my younger kids cannot appreciate what we are talking about. They do not understand why our jokes are funny. They do not get why things are done the way they are in the Philippines because they cannot understand the nuances of the language which reveal so much of our character as a people.
Our Filipino language, which uses words like “tayo” instead of “ako” or “I” and “me” in English… also speak in volumes about how we think as a people—we think more about the group instead of the individual. We are more about consensus than individual assertion.
I remember speaking in this same way when I was new here in the US, directly translating what I wanted to say in Filipino to English—and I would be corrected by Americans that I should not use the word ‘we” if I was speaking for my self! For example, I would say, "We have to work on this task..."(when that was my job), "Anong atin? (Translated: What is ours? Meaning---What’s up?))...or "Banyo muna tayo "(when the person I am speaking to does not really feel like going herself). But that way of speaking, that Filipino language, reveals much about who we are and how we think…and such mindset is reinforced, for better or worse, by our use of the Filipino language!
And so thank you, Chris, for knocking on our door. You are most welcome to come in, iho. Join us, and share with us who you are, what is important to you and your generation, and how we--first generation Filipino-American parents-- drive you second-generation Fil-Ams crazy! You do not have to be on the outside looking in. You are a part of us.
It is so enlightening to realize that it is not just us, the first gens who are in our voyage of trying to fit in our new world in America. You, too—the second gens, are in your own voyage of going back to your roots. Chris, We will be here for you, and I hope somehow, somewhere--in our parallel voyages, we meet each other! Mabuhay ka!
POST-SCRIPT FROM CHRIS GRANGER:
Second generation FilAms are on the outside looking in, because our parents wanted us to have a better life then what they had growing up in the Philippines. And I hear Filipinos in the PI tell me, I am very lucky to have been born in the USA and grown up there. And so I go to a Filipino church and I realise I have nothing in common with these people because they grew up in the Philippines and they are chattering away in Tagalog and the church service is in Tagalog and I cannot understand a word of it. It seems that Filipino pride is essentially wanting to flee to the USA to live like Americans! It is a double edged sword.
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