by Gel Santos Relos
Golf legend, sex addiction, lies, and betrayal. Our heroes and unheroes.
What happens when one of the most iconic men of our time, the greatest golfer in the world, Tiger Woods, falls?
The hunger for stories about Tiger Woods has been insatiable since that fateful Thanksgiving night, after one of his neighbors in Windermere, Florida called 911 to report that Woods had crashed into a tree in front of his house. From that moment on, a can of worms has been opened, skeletons in his closet came out. Revelations about Tigers’ affairs popped out one after the other as his alleged mistresses unabashedly flaunted their sexual liaisons with the golf master.
The demand for him to speak up, speak out and explain himself mounted---from the media, the sports world, his fans and even from ordinary John, Jane, and yes, Juan dela Cruz. Tiger tried to guard his privacy, speaking only through the media in a couple of controlled press conferences. But despite these venues, the demand for more disclosure continued to rise.
It has been widely publicized that Tiger Woods is struggling with “sex addiction.” Yes, the same “ailment” that has been associated with other big names like X-Files’ David Duchovny, Fatal Attraction’s Michael Douglas, New York’s Ex-Governor Elliot Spitzer, Sandra Bullock’s husband Jesse James, and many others.
According to MedicineNet.com, sexual addiction is used to describe the behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict's thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships. Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behavior and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.”
Furthermore, sexual addiction has also been associated “with risk-taking. A person with a sex addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addict's relationships and interfering with his or her work and social life, a sexual addiction also puts the person at risk for emotional and physical injury.”
To consider sexual addiction a disease, a disorder, is still being debated on, even by professionals in the medical field. Other people say this is what rich people, who can afford psychiatric evaluation and treatment, use as an excuse to cover up for their selfishness, indiscretion, and inability to commit. Ordinary people who engage in the same behavior are just labeled as “cheaters."
But, for the purposes of this article, let us save the debate on sexual addiction for another discussion and give Tiger Woods the benefit of the doubt. Tiger Woods has apologized about his irresponsible behavior and has claimed responsibility for his actions. He has also been going through therapy and rehabilitation to address this problem, as he works harder to do what he does best---golf!
This fascination, if not obsession, about Tiger Woods’ personal life stems from the fact that Tiger is not just a golf champion in today’s society. Rightfully or otherwise, he has also been deemed as a role model, a hero, that many people emulate and identify with. And so Tiger’s cheating and philandering hurt not only his wife and children---his followers, especially parents and kids, felt betrayed as well. Some were even angered to see their hero fall.
It must be hard to be Tiger Woods. He is, after all, not a one dimensional character. Despite being a golf champion, Tiger Woods is still human. Sure, he enjoys the fame and fortune that come with his stature. And of course being a public figure, he is subject to people's expectations, scrutiny and judgment. But this does not change the fact that he is also human -- and to err is part of it.
I can’t help but think -- Who do we consider as role models? Who do we emulate as our heroes? Many say the reason for this outrage is because many of the youth look up to Tiger Woods as their role model, but with his sins and weaknesses revealed---does he cease to be their hero? Our own children emulate us as their parents for we are a significant part of their formative years. But, as humans ourselves, have we not erred? Have we been upfront and honest about our own fallibility, or did we fear losing our children's trust, respect and adulation more in doing so? Do we stop being our own children’s heroes when we expose our own vulnerability and weaknesses?
Tiger Woods has recognized his mistakes, took responsibility for it and did something to mend his ways and rise above his weaknesses. This makes him a real hero--his own hero. Tiger Woods' story of his struggle and efforts toward redemption, and our own stories as parents, who are only just as human, should teach our children a very important lesson in life---heroes are not perfect. They, too, are weak, they err, and they fall. But real heroes are humble enough to own up to their mistakes and do something to rectify the situation and redeem themselves. Real heroes stand up taller after they fall.
Let us unburden Tiger with that "hero role", he has way too much work to do in his own life. Maybe when we help our children redefine their concept of what makes a hero, we will actually help them come to terms with their own humanity. We then make them realize that they really need not look far to find their hero because, as the song goes, the hero lies in each and every one of us.